How to lose a friend in 10 days

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up."

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

This is one of my photos from the WCU at NCSU game, two of my friends from school and I. While we have all changed and grown in the two and a half years since graduation, we still have a great time together, catching up and reliving our college days.

Everyone reads those horror stories about facebook, pedophiles preying on young girls, "mean girls" spreading rumors about their classmates, and a girl getting hurt because their best friend of 5 years, their maid of honor, the girl they once told everything to who they have drifted from lately, unfriended them on facebook.

Obviously the latter is me. I had a complete breakdown Saturday night and was simply stunned until Tuesday. I couldn't believe I had been such a horrible friend. Over the past day (and really over the past year) I have been reflecting on what it means to be a good friend.

I was originally going to write about how to be a good friend. But instead I have decided to model this post after a favorite chick flick, "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." I will discuss many of the things I have done in friendships past that may have lead to history of close, short friendships.

1. Never call your friends unless you want to hang out. I have always been afraid to call and vent, or to call and just talk. I never wanted to have a one-sided friendship towards me, because I have had them towards the other person. I also was afraid of interrupting someone who's busy, calling too often, or the awkward silence when there is nothing to say.

2. Never go out when they want to. If you have a headache, are sick, or just feel blue always stay home, don't ever suck it up. I have been completely guilty of this. In my defense I have had a history of health problems and have tried to hide things from friends to keep them from worrying. But when even when I spent all day pumped about going out that night, and exhausted myself being pumped, I have cancelled plans just out of sheer exhaustion.

3. Always forget about their big event, and never ask about it. I officially have the worst memory ever! I can't remember most of my own events, let alone my friends. But this is very important, it lets them know that you are thinking about them. I would suggest figuring out a way to write down something big that is going on with them. This would be even easier if you are a Christian. Keep a prayer journal. Whenever your friends tell you about something that is going on, write it down in your prayer journal. Skip a few lines then write the next prayer. When you find out the outcome, write this down in the skipped lines. It is a great way to renew your faith, or see the reason for what we didn't expect.

4. Always make new friends. It is important to make new friends, don't get me wrong. But realize how far you can stretch yourself. Some people are able to work, vonlunteer, relax, and be social every night. If this is not you, try not to have too many close friends. It is great to have a large network of close friends, it is even helpful. But, a close friend is someone you see more than once a month, and if you try to have 20 close friends, you won't be able to give your true friends the time they deserve.

5. Begin new activities, but never, ever invite your closest friends. Joining a running group or a Toastmasters chapter is a great way to network and get active. Trying something new is always helpful, even if it is traumatizing (at least you know you logging is not for you). But unless you know that your friend would not be interested in your new cycling class, they may feel a little left out if you rave about it, but not extend an invitation.

6. Always dress nicer than them. Sometimes people fall on hard times. If your friend has fallen on these hard times, or never got the step up into the easy life, it may not be the best idea to bring your brand new Kate Spade bag to lunch with her, and then wear your brand new Manolo Blahniks to drinks the next week. She may feel inadequate and may no longer wish to spend time with you.

7. Change every little thing about you as soon as you begin hanging out with new friends. It is natural to take on characteristics of friends as you change and grow. American's especially are very impressionable (advertisements are everywhere for a reason!). This may not be you, but I will say all day long that I am 100% guilty of this, not consciously, but as I develop new friendships, my everything changes. But remember, your new friend became friends with you for a reason. They like you the way you are. And think about your best friend of five years! If you change everything about yourself, this friendship that you stand on will crumble.

8. Complain! Make people think about how horrible you life is, maybe they will feel sorry for you and hang out with you daily! This doesn't work. While a cemetary might be a peaceful way to say hello to a loved one, it is not nearly as enjoyable, or at least tolerable, when a family and classmates are saying goodbye to their 14 year old son and friend in the next plot over. Friends are supposed to be there for you, so they should be ok with hearing you vent after your boss unreasonably said your presentation you slaved over for 10 minutes is not good enough, but you will both enjoy your time more if you talk more about the presentation you worked on for several days, that got your companies new big client.

9. Only and always talk about yourself. What is your favorite subject? Yourself of course. Everyone's favorite subject is themselves. So when you sit there and just talk about yourself, it doesn't give them any opportunity to say anything about themselves. I have heard the excuse that it is a simple conversation starter, or something must be explained to avoid the other person thinking the worst. If someone wants to know something about you, they will ask. Instead, ask them about something they just did, or ask advice about what you would like to do.

10. Always share you negative opinion on any possession of your friends, it's better they hear it from a friend! When a friend is trying to decide which item to go purchase, there you may share your experiences, but always share good and bad, even if your feelings sway in one extreme of the spectrum, because that one thing you hate about the item, may be what your friend wants. This goes the same with the "Does this make me look fat" question. If your friend asks this before you go out, suggest a different outfit that accentuates their eyes, and gives a little in the waist.

Everything you do exemplifies you in a certain way. It is human nature to judge, and while we may pride ourselves on not judging people based on skin color, gender or background, it is only natural to categorize things someone does and judge them on whether or not they are worth our time. If you were to act in a certain way, people may not want to spend time with you, even if you are the new Mother Theresa winning the Nobel Prize in Science. You may be a great person, but if you are not an enjoyable person, there's nothing that can be done about friendships.