Friendships and Social Networking

Social Networking terminology, and thus the culture, has become a part of our daily lives. We are able to keep up with the daily ins and outs of the lives of our closest friends, our social circles, our acquaintances, and even those random people we aren't really sure how we met. We are able to reconnect, or remain connected, with friends from 10, 20, 30 or more years ago. We can connect with our grandmothers cousin's niece, some random person with our same name, or someone on the other side of the country with whom we have a similar interest. With this new technology there have come new etiquette, and new things to consider in how to use it. In this blog post I am going to go over some things to keep in mind as you navigate this world of Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, some pros and cons, and how this has, or has not, affected our daily relationships.

This commercial exemplifies one of the biggest problems in social networking, defining oneself on their social network account, and spending their entire lives on it. Unfortunately this is becoming more and more common (or has already reached a level beyond comfort). When on a social networking site, there are a whole different set of social skills necessary, that can not be translated very well into the daily grind of the outside world. And unless one is a social savant, spending this much time in social networking sites can greatly hinder face-to-face social interactions.

What can happen if you define yourself by your [insert social networking site here] profile and how to avoid the social blunders of doing so:

• You may begin talking to yourself: when you are sitting alone at a computer, tablet or on your phone, it is very easy to have a verbal conversation with the profile at which you are looking. No one else is around (or maybe just your 3 cats), and so no one will notice your comments that you make out loud about X's weight gain or Y's ugly new hairstyle. But imagine for a second you are grocery shopping, and this personal conversation has become second nature to you. Do you want to be the crazy person who talks to herself while comparing breakfast cereals?But, more seriously, you may begin uttering things out loud that should remain in your head. We all have different styles and ideas on what looks good, and sometimes we should share them (like when your best friend is trying on the cutest dress in the store, that is 75% off, but is two sizes too small). But in other situations it is better to keep you lips shut (such as at a large social gathering where you are seeing acquaintances for the first time in awhile, and someone got a haircut that isn't quite even). In the privacy of your home it is ok to make an ugly face or a comment, but not when there are other people around, and especially not within earshot of the unfortunate.
• We are loosing our conversations. We all have busy lives, and it is no longer possible to see all of your friends on a weekly, or bimonthly, basis. Usually we have to schedule a walk or a meal between life, and it is nice to be able to use that time to the fullest. One of the best parts of good news is sharing it, telling your friend that you are engaged, pregnant, buying a home, or just have a date. The excitement on their face and the questions and suggestions they have for you lead to exciting conversations that fill up the time and make the time worth repeating. But, unfortunately, this information can often get on the Internet long before you have time to have that special lunch. By this point your friend may have already heard about your bun in the oven, has congratulated you via the social networking site, and the excitement has worn off a bit.
  
  This happened to a friend of mind recently. While my friend was on a weekend trip with her long-time boyfriend, he proposed and of course she accepted. They had just moved in together, had been moving in that direction, but it was still a complete surprise. Being the sweet and social lady that she is, she called her friends that afternoon, rather than sending out a mass text or announcing it via Facebook. She is also incredibly laid back and doesn't take offense easily, but I can only imagine that she was a little hurt when she began receiving congratulatory texts from those she had intended on calling. People had begun posting the news on her Facebook wall, others were reading, and were sending impersonal, but well intentioned, text messages.
• Once something is said, it cannot be unsaid but it can be forgiven. We all have bad days, and on those days it's often best to avoid strained relationships or other situations where we may say something we don't really mean. But it happens, and when it is a seldom act it can often be forgiven. Unfortunately, with social networking, it's much more difficult to forgive and forget. Those drunken tweets that are forgotten about until someone calls you and asks you about it, or the message to a friend to address A, but you casually mention B and it is miswordedd can remain online and in peoples inboxes as reminders for a long time. While it is possible to delete comments, tweets and status updates, they are available for the world to see in the mean time, and for the world to remember.
• Is big brother watching you? While, hopefully, the government doesn't have a reason to watch your online activity, there are other people, closer to home, that have an interest. Once something is on the Internet, it is up and open for everyone to see. And despite privacy settings, things can still be found. With the growing popularity of social networking sites, people of all ages are joining. While it is always a good idea to think about what you are doing before you do it (what would my grandmother say if she were to see me at this bar right now?), the possibility if her seeing your less than stellar behavior is more possible thanks to Facebooks popularity. And even more importantly, there is an increasing number of corporations who will search social networking sites for potential employees, and schools are beginning to do the same. While what you do in your free time should be your own free time, it is becoming the business of everyone from your Great Aunt Ruth to the hiring manager of your dream job. So before you go out for your monthly (or weekly or nightly), evening out with friends, make sure you have explained limitations of picture uploads and comments to your friends (does everyone really need to know you wiped out on the sidewalk on a particularly good (or bad) night?). And maybe even consider stowing your smartphone somewhere that is difficult to get to, so that you aren't tempted to sloppily update about the beer goggled 10 you just spotted, or what you want to do to the person who "looked at you wrong."
• The hurt it can bring. There is often an urge to share every moment of your life on these sites. Your weekend plans to the beach, or the photos from the amazing hike you just took. While it may be unintentional, it can be bragging to others about your great life. But there are other ways it can hurt the feelings of your friends. While everyone has their own lives, and it is unreasonable to expect to be able to tag along to every social gathering or trip, it still may hurt when you read about a great trip one of your close friends has planned and your biggest adventure coming up is discovering how big the dust bunnies are under your bed. It could hurt even worse if you had a big celebration planned (such as a baby shower or your wedding), and you discover that a friend is unable to make it because they are going camping. Bearing in mind that these other plans could involve unknown acquaintances that do not allow an invitation for you, or a yearly family camping trip, it isn't always the best feeling in the world knowing that you are being left out or are second choice.
• The ending of a friendship. Social networking has gotten out of control, and periodically people will realize that they may have talked to the majority of their "friends" once. People will periodically do a sweep of their friends and delete many with whom they no longer have any contact. The next time you log in you may notice your friend number has gone down, and you may spend hours scouring your friends list trying to figure out who was rude enough to unfriend you (and you probably will never find out, driving you crazy). But the act of unfriending can have more serious implications. It's never easy to end a friendship, but at times they fizzle. Sometimes there is just a slow progression of fewer lunch dates and calls, but other times there can be a sudden event that leads to The End. And just like the end of a good book, you are aware the end is growing close, but once you turn that final page, there is a sense of sadness that the book is over. The finality of discovering that your once best friend has unfriended you is much the same way. Know that the friendship is over, and that you only have 3 pages left in a book is disheartening, but once you read that final page, the finality can be a little overwhelming.

Keeping in touch with friends, reconnecting with friends, and making connections through friends can always be a positive thing that social networks have allowed. But making your life so public can have its implications. Friends can feel left out because their presence wasn't desired. Your nightlife behavior can be discovered by your family, or your boss, and this can lead to gossip and judgements. Conversations may stalemate because everything has already been shared online. Next time you log into your own social networking website, think about these implications and decide if the membership is worth the price, or if you may just want to tweak your profile a bit to allow for a greater social life beyond the computer screen.