One of the big issues that plague fresh college graduates, and 20somethings in general, is the starting of a new social circle. Before you went to school your parents arranged playdates, then you made friends in school and in after school programs and activities. These friendship circles grew as you continued into middle and high school. Then you went to college where everything was new. Sometimes a few (or a lot) of people from your high school went to college with you and you already had your social circle. But even if you went to an obscure college, it was still pretty easy to meet people. Living in dorms, walking to class, riding the bus, taking classes and other activities led to routines in which you would see people regularly and develop acquaintances and friendships based off of commonalities. Not to mention a quarter of those on campus were in the same boat you are.
But now, you are in the "real world." You are in a new city (or you're the only one left in your old town), and you have to start a new life. New routines, new job, new home, new bank, grocery store and commute. It can all be overwhelming. Plus having to set up a new social circle. Why not just throw one of these to-dos out. Obviously you need a place to stay, and a way to pay for it, and of course you need to eat. So often times the new social circle is what is put on the back burner. But this is never a good idea either. It may be overwhelming, but putting more of a priority on making friends can help you cope with everything else, and help you settle into your new life.
Think about what you did in high school when you got your first job. Did you go home and write about it in your journal, or sit alone with a grin of self satisfaction? Or did you call up your friends to make the announcement, set up a celebratory dinner, and share the joy you have?
What about when you had a hard first day at that new job? Did you go home and cry into your pillow? Or did your friend call to ask how it was, you shared and he or she came over and supported you, told you how great you are, how hard a new job is, and cheer you up?
Friends are necessary to bring out the best (and sometimes the worst) in us. They strengthen our good emotions and help us get through the rough patches. They give us something to look forward to. They give us a chance to let go, or they make us let go of the rough patches of our lives. We are able to relax, be ourselves, and not worry about being judged. They are great as a springboard for ideas on how to deal with the annoying coworker, whether your summer dress is work appropriate, to overanalyze a phone call from the cute guy at the coffee shop, or to talk us out of eating that third slice of cake and into taking a jog.
Unfortunately, and to be addressed later, making new friends when you have no base from which to start can be one of the toughest things you have to do. It can almost be too overwhelming to add this to your ever growing to do list called life, and you may just want to go ahead and set up a good relationship with a cat breeder.
But when you think about your life before now, what got you through the tough, and the great times? What was involved in your favorite times? What do you remember most happily? Most of these memories involved friends. Not only this, but scientific research has shown that this interaction is necessary. From a study in which babies that were fed, rocked, and burped by machines, developing babies who were not as well adjusted as those who were cared for by people. Here are some other benefits of having friends:
- Scientists have discovered that those with a social circle are less likely to be afflicted with psychological issues (such as depression and anxiety) and have a boosted immune system.
- Sharing your emotional experiences can provide meaning, insight and perspective. Sharing our fears makes them less frightening, sharing our triumphs makes them more exhilarating and sharing our grief helps relieve the burden.
- Friends can help us create and find our identity. Good friends tell us what they appreciate about us, and even better friends share with us our weaknesses.
Currently I am reading The Friendship Fix, a book written by an older women (older than us and so more experienced) who provides excellent advice specifically for those in their 20s. The book covers a wide variety of topics, from making friends, to cutting off friendships. Much of the knowledge I will be sharing is from this book, and even more can be gained by actually reading the book. I would greatly encourage you to do just that if you have any questions on how to handle friendships in this new stage of your life,
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