My tunics!

I have decided to begin selling tunics on Etsy. They are very in style, but the cute ones always seem to be really expensive. I'm going to work on starting my website this weekend, but here is a sneak peek! Let me know what you think!

Here is my first tunic: Go Catamounts! I will offer all kinds of school colors.

This is my second tunic. Getting ready for Fall! They are light, all 100% cotton (the solid brown is a mix though). Perfect to celebrate Fall during the warm weather at the end of Summer.

I'm working on this one tonight. Almost done! Just the sleeves and hem left! But it is so gorgeous! This photo taken with my Blackberry does not do this fabric justice!

Please let me know what you think! I'm really interested in starting this, so I would definitely like some feedback! Have a great weekend!

Cliques

While our lives have changed drastically since high school as far as social circles, life will always be comprised of cliques. Even if a clique may be accepting and welcoming, a clique is often formed by close friends and so it takes a long time to "break in" and become one of them.

Right now I am facing being between cliques. I have changed and grown for the better for me, but I have grown away from friends. At the same time I have grown towards another group of friends. It kinda feels like I don't belong anywhere. This can happen at any time of your life. It can be caused by a job change, a location change, or just changes that can happen through different experiences. But just like any personal struggle it is important to sit down and look at it for what it is.

1. Why are you no longer hanging out with your old friends?

I have grown and changed a lot over the past few years. I was no longer comfortable with y friends that I had when I was in high school, college and after college. I was no longer happy, which doesn't make my former friends happy.

2. What are the changes that have occurred? Are they good or bad?

My changes have involved always being considerate, and becoming obsessed with being a proper lady. I have always lusted over the image of a women in always matching, classic, chic clothing. Always knowing what to say and when. I am working towards becoming like this, and I don't view this as a bad thing.

3. What are your new friends like?

My new friends are very accepting of everyone. They are Southern ladies and gentlemen, mostly Republicans, very preppy and they live to socialize. While not everyone described in this way is accepting, I have never felt left out by anything they did. And more importantly, I have seen them accept and befriend one of my former friends of California. A sweet sweet girl, but complete opposite of them.

While the list can go on and on in regards to how you have to analyze your new life, it is natural to go through changes. At this age we are on our own for the first time, truly figuring out who we are. It is difficult to figure this out, and it often involves many phases. So while you go through this time and feel constantly lost, sit down and ask about your current decisions, and make sure that if this were the permanent you, are you satisfied with yourself?

Social butterflies

We may no longer use candy hearts to express our feelings (or maybe we do sometimes), but we still converse in all different ways. This is something that we, as 20somethings, often struggle with. After college, we enter an environment in which exclamations of "No way!" or "That's hot" are no longer accepted as appropriate forms of excitement. In order to be taken seriously we have to use bigger words and better grammar. We have to differentiate even more between professional speech and friendship slang.

But not only does our language have to change, we also have to strengthen our conversation skills. Even in a world in which we can immediately communicate with people on the opposite side of the world, we are still surrounded by each other and need to know how to talk to each other. It is the simplest way to get information across, simply stand in front of someone and talk. Despite our ability to be able to see everything, talk to everyone and have all of our needs met without leaving our house, we still have a need to be amongst other people.

Starting a conversation is easy. Ask about the current event you are attending (what did you think of so-and-so's book) or even a simple question about their well-being or how a personal worry turned out. Simply think about your relationship with this person and what you know about them, and ask to get more information.

Continuing a conversation is a little trickier. Asking questions about this person will allow the other person to talk about themselves, everyone's favorite subject. Every time you speak to someone they reveal something more about themselves. Try to remember these details and refer back to them in the same conversation, and again later. One way to remember such life events in a friends life is to write them down, such as keeping a prayer journal.

It is also important to be yourself. If you sit back, relax, and watch, those who are socially confident stumble over their words and ramble too, they just have confidence. No one is perfect, and the sooner your realize this the better. Ask your friends to list what is great about you, or list them yourself. This list will give you confidence and help you relax! This is the single most important thing in being socially successful.

Don't over think what you have to say. you may miss what the other person is saying. And you are more likely to ramble and stumble over your words when you are nervous. So just breath. Think about the people you will see, think about what you will say to begin a conversation, and most importantly think about how much information you will share about yourself. TMI really is the only conversation killer.

How to lose a friend in 10 days

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up."

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

This is one of my photos from the WCU at NCSU game, two of my friends from school and I. While we have all changed and grown in the two and a half years since graduation, we still have a great time together, catching up and reliving our college days.

Everyone reads those horror stories about facebook, pedophiles preying on young girls, "mean girls" spreading rumors about their classmates, and a girl getting hurt because their best friend of 5 years, their maid of honor, the girl they once told everything to who they have drifted from lately, unfriended them on facebook.

Obviously the latter is me. I had a complete breakdown Saturday night and was simply stunned until Tuesday. I couldn't believe I had been such a horrible friend. Over the past day (and really over the past year) I have been reflecting on what it means to be a good friend.

I was originally going to write about how to be a good friend. But instead I have decided to model this post after a favorite chick flick, "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." I will discuss many of the things I have done in friendships past that may have lead to history of close, short friendships.

1. Never call your friends unless you want to hang out. I have always been afraid to call and vent, or to call and just talk. I never wanted to have a one-sided friendship towards me, because I have had them towards the other person. I also was afraid of interrupting someone who's busy, calling too often, or the awkward silence when there is nothing to say.

2. Never go out when they want to. If you have a headache, are sick, or just feel blue always stay home, don't ever suck it up. I have been completely guilty of this. In my defense I have had a history of health problems and have tried to hide things from friends to keep them from worrying. But when even when I spent all day pumped about going out that night, and exhausted myself being pumped, I have cancelled plans just out of sheer exhaustion.

3. Always forget about their big event, and never ask about it. I officially have the worst memory ever! I can't remember most of my own events, let alone my friends. But this is very important, it lets them know that you are thinking about them. I would suggest figuring out a way to write down something big that is going on with them. This would be even easier if you are a Christian. Keep a prayer journal. Whenever your friends tell you about something that is going on, write it down in your prayer journal. Skip a few lines then write the next prayer. When you find out the outcome, write this down in the skipped lines. It is a great way to renew your faith, or see the reason for what we didn't expect.

4. Always make new friends. It is important to make new friends, don't get me wrong. But realize how far you can stretch yourself. Some people are able to work, vonlunteer, relax, and be social every night. If this is not you, try not to have too many close friends. It is great to have a large network of close friends, it is even helpful. But, a close friend is someone you see more than once a month, and if you try to have 20 close friends, you won't be able to give your true friends the time they deserve.

5. Begin new activities, but never, ever invite your closest friends. Joining a running group or a Toastmasters chapter is a great way to network and get active. Trying something new is always helpful, even if it is traumatizing (at least you know you logging is not for you). But unless you know that your friend would not be interested in your new cycling class, they may feel a little left out if you rave about it, but not extend an invitation.

6. Always dress nicer than them. Sometimes people fall on hard times. If your friend has fallen on these hard times, or never got the step up into the easy life, it may not be the best idea to bring your brand new Kate Spade bag to lunch with her, and then wear your brand new Manolo Blahniks to drinks the next week. She may feel inadequate and may no longer wish to spend time with you.

7. Change every little thing about you as soon as you begin hanging out with new friends. It is natural to take on characteristics of friends as you change and grow. American's especially are very impressionable (advertisements are everywhere for a reason!). This may not be you, but I will say all day long that I am 100% guilty of this, not consciously, but as I develop new friendships, my everything changes. But remember, your new friend became friends with you for a reason. They like you the way you are. And think about your best friend of five years! If you change everything about yourself, this friendship that you stand on will crumble.

8. Complain! Make people think about how horrible you life is, maybe they will feel sorry for you and hang out with you daily! This doesn't work. While a cemetary might be a peaceful way to say hello to a loved one, it is not nearly as enjoyable, or at least tolerable, when a family and classmates are saying goodbye to their 14 year old son and friend in the next plot over. Friends are supposed to be there for you, so they should be ok with hearing you vent after your boss unreasonably said your presentation you slaved over for 10 minutes is not good enough, but you will both enjoy your time more if you talk more about the presentation you worked on for several days, that got your companies new big client.

9. Only and always talk about yourself. What is your favorite subject? Yourself of course. Everyone's favorite subject is themselves. So when you sit there and just talk about yourself, it doesn't give them any opportunity to say anything about themselves. I have heard the excuse that it is a simple conversation starter, or something must be explained to avoid the other person thinking the worst. If someone wants to know something about you, they will ask. Instead, ask them about something they just did, or ask advice about what you would like to do.

10. Always share you negative opinion on any possession of your friends, it's better they hear it from a friend! When a friend is trying to decide which item to go purchase, there you may share your experiences, but always share good and bad, even if your feelings sway in one extreme of the spectrum, because that one thing you hate about the item, may be what your friend wants. This goes the same with the "Does this make me look fat" question. If your friend asks this before you go out, suggest a different outfit that accentuates their eyes, and gives a little in the waist.

Everything you do exemplifies you in a certain way. It is human nature to judge, and while we may pride ourselves on not judging people based on skin color, gender or background, it is only natural to categorize things someone does and judge them on whether or not they are worth our time. If you were to act in a certain way, people may not want to spend time with you, even if you are the new Mother Theresa winning the Nobel Prize in Science. You may be a great person, but if you are not an enjoyable person, there's nothing that can be done about friendships.

Starting over

If a rose bush is cared for, it can survive for many years, producing new flowers every year. But in the off season, even when taken care of, it is nothing but a green bush just like any other. And yet, come spring, it re-invents itself into the beautiful rose bush we look forward to every year. (forgive me if I got the timing or anything off about rose bushes, it was more about the metaphor)

But how often do we get to reinvent ourselves? Reblossom into a clean-slated beautiful rose? The answer: anytime we like! As a Christian, the Lord has forgiven my every sin, even those I will commit 60 years from now! We have no need to live in the past and regret what we have done wrong! Too bad it's not as easy with our former best friend who's ex-bf we slept with a week after the big breakup (oops).

But seriously, every morning look at your life. Are you excited to wake up, go to your job and see your friends? Or are you dreading work, the ever growing unread messages in our inbox and the coworkers who range from secretary dressed in an executive halloween costume, to the ones with no style and seem to be the bionic employee.

Then there are your friends. Are they the ones you can vent to, get appropriate compassion and cheer you up. Or do they complain about the fact that the boutique was out of stock in their size and then their hair stylist with the three month waiting list couldn't fit her in for a quick wash, color change, and complete restyle.

My suggestion: start over!!!!!

This is my story: I am a Pharmacy Technician (fairly legitimate job) with Target (and then it goes downhill). Most of my coworkers are great, very hardworking and we get our work done. However, most of them graduated from high school, and some are incredibly intelligent, but speak as though they barely graduated from high school. Bad grammar is like nails on a chalkboard to me. Others do nothing but complain about the 5th near accident they were in this week, or constantly bring up in disbelief that I don't watch the news every night and am constantly shopping.

We are all different, and I love everyone of my coworkers for the people they are. I don't think in anyway that I am better than any of them, but that doesn't mean that I have to want to spend time with them.

I also just recently became a Christian, and so many of my friends are not Christians. They are happy, great people, they don't do anything wrong, and I really enjoyed their company. However, I have changed. I enjoy different activities, rather than going on a drinking flirting binge a few times a week, I enjoy grabbing a single drink and having actual conversations. Rather than laying on the couch Sunday morning because of said "great night out," I'd rather go to church and worship with wonderful people.

This is all just a part of growing up. As we get older and experience new things, we change, and it is only natural to grow apart from friends who may not enjoy the same things as you. If you aren't satisfied with your life just the way it is, I challenge you to start over: Here's how:

Step 1: gather your thoughts in reference to why you are unhappy. Do you enjoy your job? Do you enjoy your activities and friends? Are you activities what you really want to do? Are there ever times that you do not feel like yourself?

I wrote about those things above.

Step 2: Make two columns. Summarize step one into different phrases in the left column. In the right column write what would make you happy. For instance:

I don't enjoy my friends New friends

I don't enjoy barhopping all night New friends with new activities

I don't enjoy my coworkers New job

Step 3: This step make take some time. But begin to think about what you can do to make the right column happen. Think about who you enjoy spending time with and what you enjoy doing. If you want to move, what characteristics of cities you have visited do you enjoy? Here's what I will do:

New friends with new activities: I have a great group of friends through church. I am not very close with them, but they are so sweet and I always have a great time spending time with them. They always view the world as glass half full and are filled with the Holy Spirit, so I can lean on them in every way I need. They enjoy grabbing a drink and oogling at boys, and while many of them have a little bit of a wild past, they aren't the type to abandon their friends to go talk to a new guy, nor surround their entire life around a guy.

New job: What do I enjoy doing? I love to teach and work with young children. One must be college educated and generally speak as though they have been. It is a real career that is going somewhere, one that people look up to.

I wish everyone luck, and I would love to hear about your new starts! It is tough, and I don't ever suggest cutting ties with old friends or old coworkers simply because of something like this. However, if you are happy, those around you probably aren't either.

High expectations

This post was originally going to be title "Falling short," when I first thought about writing. But upon reflection over the past few days I have realized that I simply have expectations that are way too high. I do base these boundaries off of my peers, but I live in a very predominant area, barely touched by the recession. Let me show you what I mean:

What I see: The women: lots of Tory Burch and Lilly Pulitzer. Everyone owns a home at the beach, or at least knows someone who does. They grew up in this way and so don't know any different, which makes them not stuck up. I have spoken with a few about their income, all between 40 and 50K. These people are 25 and 26. They also went to UNC and NC State at the lowest, most of them went to private schools, even in grade school.

The men: Also went to private schools. Always have on polos or button up shirts and khakis. They have 9-5 positions that are going somewhere. And involve travel, just like the females.

These people often already own their own homes, or rent in the most exclusive places.

I'm sure that many of their parents help out in many ways. They also were brought up in a way that cultivates the ability to live in this way. According to the new book "True Prep," most preps, more or less, recycle their items. They don't purchase a new wardrobe or decor every season, instead they use the same items for years, if not decades. By this point a single dress, even at a few hundred dollars, is worth mere pennies per wear.

Myself: single, making around 20k in a career that is going nowhere and unable to find another position. I purchased new clothes last year, but they are out of season and I'm embarrassed to wear them. I am constantly replacing... everything. My philosophy is buy it cheap, when it breaks replace it. I have $3,000 of credit card debt.

Most people in their 20s: income: 30K

debt at 20: 20K; debt at 30: 110K

Number of jobs held (bachelors degree or more): from 23-27: 3.6 different jobs.

So I guess when you really look at things I am not that much different than most people. How do you feel about this and how do you really measure up?

Bettering myself

Do you remember all those horrible long books our teachers made us read in grade school? We had to read 15 pages of a book that we'd rather watch to get on with our all important lives. Those silly books written by people who were already dead and didn't know what it was like to be our age in this time period. These weren't going to be used in the real world, so why were we made to read them?

Well I have decided to read them. And they are amazing! They relate to us in so many ways. I just read "Animal Farm" and couldn't put it down!

It's about deception and trickery. We may think that these animals are completely cut-throat, that we would never sink as low as these animals, but what is the difference between this and shaking our curves in the direction of the gentleman across the bar. The same gentleman with a band on his left ring finger, whose wife you know, and strongly dislike. Some ladies would seduce him to hurt this lady who you had a tiff with several years ago. While I'm sure this is something you wouldn't do, it does occur. These actions are no lower than a pig changing a farms commandments for his own benefit and convincing the other animals that they simply remember wrong.

I have now moved onto "Little Women" by Louisa May Alcott. It is a classic more appropriately read as a teenager. However, I never got beyond the first 100 pages, at least without forcing myself. This story has a sister for everyone. It also does a great job of attending to it's audience. In the first chapter the narrator takes a moment to describe the four girls to us, speaking directly to us. Following this the four girls have a conversation in which they playfully label each other. This is definitely a book that I will give to my daughter for her to cherish. It shows that there are all kinds of "Little Women," that all grow up to be successful Women.